Kay meets Charlie : "THAT was hard work...... I struggled with my belief in my ability to birth you, but, my wonderful patient baby, you quietly waited in that VERY tight space until my support team convinced me it really was time that you came into the big world. Exhausted but in awe I hold you in my arms."

Kay's first birth resulted in a traumatic postnatal period. Her journey to her second birth resulted in an empowering welcome & positive postnatal period for her & her family.

Why I came to Birthtalk
I began attending Birthtalk at the suggestion of my homeopath. At that point in time I did not know why. I thought my emergency caesarean for my Number 1 son was necessary because that is what the hospital had recommended. Through the knowledge acquired at Birthtalk I identified unmet birthing needs and experienced many "light bulb” moments. Leading up to my first birth I had felt confidant and believed fully in my body - it had always done what I had asked of it. The emergency caesar left me full of question marks and doubt. I felt a failure, not just in my ability to birth but also as a mother. I lacked confidence in other areas of my life. Before attending Birthtalk I doubt I would have contemplated further pregnancies.

What Birthtalk gave me
Birthtalk has reconfirmed my belief in a woman’s body and its ability to birth. My knowledge about birth has increased ten-fold and I am now able to look at my first birth experience with some perspective in relation to birthing modules and options. Emotionally I still wish for a different entry to the big world for my son.

Following the supported VBAC birth of Number 2 son I have regained confidence as a mother and as a person. No challenges with bonding or breast-feeding, no feelings of dread on hearing the baby wake from sleep i.e. what am I going to do with him now. Confidence in knowing that my baby is ready to sleep in the first place and strength to follow through my decisions. I am also a stronger role model to Number 1 son as my guilt over his birth has lessened. I know that I am a good mother.

I felt supported by Birthtalk in many ways. In summary, the emptiness and doubt that I carried following the birth of Number 1 son has gone. I recommend Birthtalk to anyone who is thinking of falling pregnant, is pregnant or has birthed. Birthtalk has much to offer men and women who want to be parents, not just regarding birth but also other life scenarios.

The benefit of a doula (professional birth support person)
Having experienced hospital policy with the birth of my number 1 child that culminated in a possible unnecessary emergency cesarean, I could not imagine giving birth in the hospital environment without the support of a doula. To know that I was going to take a doula second time round probably gave me the confidence to proceed with falling pregnant.

Birth is an extremely personal event, physically opening parts of yourself that very few people see over the course of your lifetime. I needed the support of a woman who had already done that, who had absolute confidence in a woman’s ability to birth and who had spent many years "catching" babies. I needed her confidence, knowledge and belief.

Because my doula was there for me, I knew that my birth experience was going to be supported and validated. That if there were need for medical intervention, it would have been an intervention decision that I had participated in instead of being subjected to.

My husband did not have to be so defensive of my space and needs, and so could attend me in other ways. Having the additional person there was an assistance.

If I were contemplating a third baby I would take a doula again. I would sincerely recommend that any women contemplating pregnancy or pregnant to research this option. The step into motherhood following a supported birth is streets ahead of the step into motherhood following my [previously unsupported] birth where I felt a failure.

By Kay Grey

Kay attended Birthtalk's Healing From Birth support group before she conceived and during her second pregnancy. She also completed our VBAC Course during this time.

©Birthtalk 2007

Read more from Kay in our article “Do I need a Doula?

© Birthtalk 2002-2009