All of the information in this section was written and compiled by the co-founders of Birthtalk, who, via their own experiences and research, truly understand the issues facing women in the months and years after a difficult, disappointing, or traumatic birth. They have supported hundreds of women as they make peace with their births, via their “Healing From Birth” support group, as well as Articles written for magazines, journals and websites, Private Consultations, and Conference Presentations.

How was your birth?
Disappointing? Nothing "really bad" happened, but you can’t shake the feeling that something is missing?
Difficult? Things didn't go as you'd hoped, and your path to meeting your baby was completely different to what you had planned? Or maybe there were complications and you had to make decisions about issues for which you were unprepared ?
Downright traumatic? You were left in total shock at the whole experience, and can’t even begin to process the event? You were in a situation where you felt completely frightened, or unacknowledged, or powerless?

What is a bad birth?
It is a birth that you can’t let alone. It stays with you - for weeks & months afterwards.
It might not look "that bad" to an outsider. It might not look "that bad" to your partner.
It may not even look "that bad" to you, but it FELT THAT BAD...and THAT is what matters. It could have been a caesarean or a natural birth. It might have taken 30 hours or 3 hours. A bad birth is defined by the WAY YOU FEEL, not just the EVENTS THAT OCCURRED.

"But other women have had worse experiences than me"
It doesn't matter HOW you gave birth — A bad birth is defined by HOW YOU FELT, not just the EVENTS THAT OCCURRED. Your birth might not look "that bad" to an outsider. It might not even look "that bad" to your partner. It may not even look "that bad" to you, but it FELT THAT BAD...and THAT is what matters. At Birthtalk we know that BIRTH MATTERS ...and how we feel about our births is IMPORTANT.

Why does birth matter so much?
Because birth can be one of the most amazing, fulfilling and exciting life experiences we can have. And because we don't just leave our feelings about our birth at the hospital. The feelings we bring home about the birth can affect our experience of parenting our new babies. If we bring home feelings of confidence, joy, and strength, our instinctive bonding is promoted with our gorgeous little ones. Our confidence in all aspects of life can soar and we can connect at a new level with our partners. If we are bringing home feelings of fear, isolation and confusion, bonding with our beautiful babies can be difficult, and feelings of failure can result. Our confidence can plummet, and relationships with partners can suffer. These feelings can infiltrate all areas of our lives as a new family.

How do women feel DURING a bad birth?
Different women feel different things, including:
> frightened
> isolated
> unacknowledged or unheard
> confused by events (perhaps because no-one has informed them what is happening)
> powerless (like their birth was being done TO them, not them DOING birth)

How can women feel AFTER a bad birth?
You might have feelings of emptiness...a feeling that there was something missing from the birth.

You might feel a lack of confidence with mothering and reject your mothering instincts.

You might experience hypervigilance in your care of your baby...a natural expression of feeling powerless during childbirth.

You might have feelings of failure, which can impact upon your general confidence in life.

You might be angry with your partner if you felt he should have rescued you (whether or not he really could).

You might feel so constricted by the trauma of the birth that you cannot fully express your love for your baby.

But it does not always have to be this way
FAQ about healing from birth
Making peace with your birth
Birthtalk’s Healing From Birth support group
Want a Better Birth next time?