At Birthtalk we know that BIRTH MATTERS ...
and how we feel about our births is IMPORTANT.
Madonna's journey to vbac
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Madonna experienced a tumultuous postnatal period after a traumatic caesarean birth. She worked hard to move on after the experience and her second birth was a completely different event, with a positive postnatal time.
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Mother of two - one born by unplanned caesarean, one born vbac [more testimonials]
I’m honoured to be asked to tell my story this morning, and I’d like to thank everyone at Birthtalk for this opportunity and for helping me to move on after my challenging birth. I hope by the end of the day you all gain a greater understanding of how a woman’s birth experience can affect every aspect of her life, even many years after the event.
My first birth four years ago was not an uncommon situation. My baby was overdue, I was induced, the induction failed and I had a caesarean. But for me, I felt more like I was being crucified than giving birth.
Noone spoke to me or my husband to tell us what was happening. The room was crowded with people, all of them talking over me, not to me. The final straw was that none even bothered to tell my husband that they were taking me to the theatre. I felt entirely helpless, I felt like a complete failure as a mother and as a woman.
I became extremely depressed. I was constantly aggressive towards my husband, my behaviour was erratic and I was unable to refer to my newborn baby by his name.
As a result, I felt that I was incapable of taking care of my own baby. He cried constantly, fed constantly, and was unable to sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time. When I finally found the courage to seek help, I was told I just didn’t know to properly ‘do’ controlled crying. I felt like I had failed at the only thing I was biologically designed to do. I cannot begin to describe the guilt I felt four months later when he was diagnosed with oesophagitis, and I had not had the courage to seek a second opinion.
What made me feel worse was that everyone else seemed to think that as long as I had a baby with ten fingers and ten toes, nothing else mattered. I felt I couldn’t talk to anyone about what I was feeling, because if I did, I would just be whinging when I should be grateful. I felt hopelessly alone, confused and misunderstood.
Meeting Birthtalk
I was introduced to Birthtalk when I was 6 weeks pregnant with my second child. Debby Gould from Birthtalk overheard me saying that I’d just found out I was pregnant and didn’t want to have the same bad experience second time around. Birthtalk really opened my eyes to the fact that I wasn’t alone - there are many women who are less than satisfied with their birth experiences.
One of the most important things for me on my journey towards healing from my experience was to relive the emotions from my first birth, and then let them go. I had been suppressing them for 18 months, trying to pretend that they didn’t happen. But Birthtalk changed all that by supporting me through the process of acknowledging my feelings, & examining their causes and then assisting me in researching my options. As a result, I felt confident that if I found myself in the same situation again, I would be able to make informed decisions for myself, and to feel in control of my situation.
My second birth and the fall-out
My second birth two years ago I can only describe as triumphant. Through the act of giving birth to my baby in a normal supported birth, I had restored my status as a woman, I had achieved the full miracle of life, and I had slain my demons of doubt and fear.
I was confident, I was capable, and I was going to let nothing stand in my way of being the best mother I possibly could. I bonded instantly with the newest love of my life.
Having strength and courage from my birth, I was able to be a calm, confident parent not only to my newborn son, but also my toddler.
My only regret is that I was unable to bond early with my ‘big boy’. I even now sometimes feel like I am mothering from guilt and trying to constantly show him how much I love him, because I didn’t have the instant bond I had with my second.
What I wish is...
I wish that I had known more about normal supported birth during my first pregnancy. I wish I had known that it was OK to question the decisions made on my behalf by medical professionals. I wish I had known that I had the option of refusing a course of medical intervention. And I wish that I had known that Birthtalk existed.
And my wish for you today is this: That those of you who are hurting can make peace with your pain, and move forward into a brighter future with your families; and that those of you who are health professionals can gain a greater understanding of the importance of a woman’s birth experience on the rest of her life, so that you may be better able to support the families who come into your care.
Madonna attended Birthtalk's Healing From Birth support group and our antenatal course, "The Path to a Better Birth" throughout her second pregnancy.
©Birthtalk2007