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At Birthtalk we know that BIRTH MATTERS ...
and how we feel about our births is IMPORTANT.
Feelings After a Caesarean
Some women who have met their babies through a caesarean operation share similar emotions and thoughts about the experience. They also can share similar ways of behaving & coping afterwards.
This not often talked about by many obstetricians and midwives to women after they have had a caesarean. Not because they don’t care…but because they don’t know.
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Mother of two - one born by unplanned caesarean, one born vbac [more testimonials]
- feelings of emptiness...a feeling that there was something missing from the birth.
- a lack of confidence with mothering and difficulty accessing your mothering instincts
- hypervigilance in your care of your baby..(.a natural expression of feeling powerless during childbirth
- feelings of failure, that you failed to be a “real woman”, which can impact upon your general confidence in life
- anger with your partner if you felt he should have rescued you (whether or not he really could).
- feeling so constricted by the trauma of the birth that you cannot fully express your love for your baby.
Parenting a newborn is hard enough anyway, but often, after a caesarean, women are “behind the eight ball” before they’ve even left the hospital
It is really tough going into parenthood with any of the above feelings colouring your postnatal life.
Plus there are the physical challenges & restrictions facing a woman recovering from major abdominal surgery. You can’t pick up your baby, breastfeeding can be difficult when lying down post-surgery, often you can’t even walk to the bathroom let alone stand to bath your child. It can be physically difficult to tend to your baby’s needs.
This combination of valid emotional vulnerability post-birth, and physical struggles in recovery can result in a very negative experience, and a rough start to life as a family.
Why does a caesarean often produce these results?
There are many reasons – and none of them are commonly talked about. But not because they don’t exist…but because most people just don’t know.
Some reasons are below…
Caesarean women don’t get the “good” hormones of birth
Even if you have a labour before your caesarean, once you have an epidural or Syntocinon, your body alters its production of hormones. This is due to a feedback mechanism in the brain that leads to a marked reduction in the production of a specific cocktail of hormones. Their job includes aiding bonding after the birth, and encouraging a good start to breastfeeding. Basically, the hormones switch on our natural mothering instinct, created by nature to ensure our babies’ survival by making us fall in love with them and aid breastfeeding and making us want to just sit and stare at them.
One way that these hormones are produced is by holding a naked, slippery, gooey baby to our breast after the birth, who smells of birth and feels of birth. That rarely happens with a caesarean – usually women get a clean, wiped baby wrapped up to the neck in a blanket, and are usually allowed only a quick touch before the baby is whisked away.
So if you feel a bit empty after the birth, or numbed emotionally, or struggle with feeding, it does not at all mean that you are not maternal, and it certainly does not mean that you must not love your baby.
What it does mean is that you might need a bit of help to kickstart those hormones that are waiting there for you. (A simple way is baths with your baby where you are both wet and slippery together- your baby to your chest- contact info@birthtalk.org for more ideas)
The indignities : having to buzz when you want to hold your baby and being unable to care for your baby postbirth
We imagine that, after our baby is born, we will hold, caress, and care for our babies. We will change their nappies and comfort their cries. We will envelope them in all the warmth and nurturing they received in utero.
This is not the reality for many women after a caesarean. Instead, we have to buzz the midwife when our baby is crying in the cot – lying so close to us, but out of reach. The post-operative pain forces us to lie back and wait, helpless, while our baby cries. This indignity can strike deeply in the heart of a new mother. And the feeling of helplessness that may have begun during the birth, is amplified by yet again feeling unable to be a “real woman” and comfort her child.
This indignity and helplessness must not be underestimated. And we must stress that the situation is not made worse because a woman “set her expectations too high”. The time post-birth is designed by nature to be the penultimate hours of bonding. It was designed to ensure our baby’s survival. If we miss out on this, it undoubtedly can have repercussions for our postnatal life.
Not being considered in the decision-making, not being acknowledged, and feeling like a “piece of meat”
These are not “little things” that don’t really matter. Being involved in decision-making is one of the most significant factors women who have had a positive birth have in common. That is, a good birth is one where you are involved in deciding “what happens”.
Sure, you’re having major surgery, and you are trusting the surgeon’s skills. But being involved in decision-making does not mean knowing as much as the head obstetrician. It means being included in the deal. Being acknowledged as an important stake-holder in how things go. After all – it is you, not the medical staff, who will leave hospital with this child and have to deal with the repercussions of the birth.
Simple things such as being talked to, not over. Or everyone involved remembering that this is a birth, not just an operation. This is a peak moment for you and your partner, and it is very hard if you are seemingly viewed as just another uterus.
To be involved in the decision-making before and during a caesarean takes a great deal of confidence and previous knowledge. It is not knowledge that is freely available in our community. So not many people know it.
Having birth “done to” you, instead of you “doing” birth
In an active, drug-free birth, a woman can move around freely, changing positions, working through contractions, using her body and her mind to meet the challenge of birth…she is “doing” birth.
In a caesarean, you are prone on a surgical table – literally at the mercy of the medical staff, which can be a frightening, and again, helpless feeling. Many women describe their caesarean birth as being “done to” them, and that they didn’t really give birth.
But why should this matter for us?
Birth was designed to have us “doing it” as a means of showing us how powerful and strong we can be – power and strength are important attributes for a newborn’s mother to have. If we don’t have the chance to meet that challenge, and feel those hormones created to help us with the job of meeting the pain of labour and nurturing a newborn, we have to work much harder to do what is supposed to “come naturally” postnatally.
Plus, a lot of women grieve for this lost chance…without even fully understanding what they are grieving for. It is ok and normal to feel a sense of loss if you missed the chance to face the final challenge before motherhood. It makes sense to be sad about that : from a physiological point of view,(because you’ve missed out on vital hormones meant for you) and from an emotional position (you’ve missed out on gathering mental strength meant for you).
So what can I do now? I can’t change the fact that I had a caesarean. How can I feel better?
We can’t alter our path to birth once it has happened. But we most certainly can change how we feel about it, and the intensity we feel about it. It is definitely possible to make peace with the experience. And to gather some of those lost hormones. And to feel much, much better.
Some initial ideas include :
- receiving validation for how you feel. This is tricky as most family members don’t understand. A great resource is an IRL support group. Birthtalk has a Brisbane group called “Moving On From a Negative Birth” to support women even years after their birth. See www.birthtalk.org. Also see www.canaustralia.net/support.htm for other Australian caesarean support groups in your area. And check out specialist caesarean support forums such as that at the International Caesarean Awareness Network www.ican-online.net/community/emailsupport.php.
- read about other women who have moved on after a challenging caesarean at www.birthtalk.org/testimonials
- write your birth story from the point of view of “how I felt” rather than “what happened”. It may give you insights into what aspects you need to heal and explore.
- Read more about the emotional effects of a caesarean : “Birthing From Within” by Pam England, “Silent Knife” and “Open Season” by Nancy Wainer Cohen are all great places to start
- Get on the Caesarean Awareness Network Australia website at www.canaustralia.net. They have a heaps of articles and further resources, plus a National Support Phone Line, where a midwife is available to answer any questions and hear your concerns.
- Just keep reading, researching, asking questions…getting the right knowledge is power!
By Birthtalk©2007